ADHD and The Wall of Awful
Have you ever stared at a super simple task—like making a phone call, folding a pile of laundry, or opening an email—and felt a literal, physical barrier blocking you from doing it?
You want to do it. You know it will only take five minutes. But you just... can’t.
In ADHD and neurodivergent spaces, this invisible barrier is called the Wall of Awful (a term coined by ADHD advocate Brendan Mahan).
It is one of the best ways to describe why simple things feel so incredibly hard when you have ADHD. And understanding how this wall is built is the first step to finally getting over it without beating yourself up.
What is the Wall of Awful?
The Wall of Awful is an emotional barrier that stands between you and the task you need to do. It’s not built of laziness or a lack of care. Instead, it is constructed out of emotional "bricks" from your past.
Every time you have struggled with a task, procrastinated, felt judged, or dealt with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a new brick gets added to your wall.
These bricks are made of:
Guilt:"I should have done this last week."
Shame:"Why is this so hard for me when everyone else can do it?"
Anxiety:"What if I do it wrong?"
Frustration:"I hate that I'm like this."
By the time you sit down to do the five-minute task, you aren't just facing the task itself. You are facing a towering, terrifying wall of all your past emotional pain and perceived failures. No wonder you want to run away!
How We Try (and Fail) to Deal with the Wall
Most of us try to handle the wall in ways that don't actually work long-term:
Smashing through it: We use anger, panic, or adrenaline to force our way through. (e.g., waiting until the absolute last minute when the panic of a deadline drives us). This works, but it is incredibly exhausting and leads straight to neurodivergent burnout.
Going around it: We try to ignore the wall by doing other things (like cleaning the whole house instead of doing our taxes). The wall is still there when we get back.
A Better Way: Climbing the Wall (With ACT)
Instead of trying to smash the wall down with brute force, we need to learn how to gently climb over it. In counselling, I love using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and trauma-informed strategies to help clients do exactly this.
Here is how you can start climbing:
1. Acknowledge the Wall (Self-Compassion)
First, stop calling yourself lazy. Recognize that the wall is real, it’s thick, and it’s okay that you are feeling overwhelmed by it. Simply saying to yourself, "Of course I'm struggling to start this, my Wall of Awful is huge today," can immediately take some of the emotional weight out of those bricks.
2. Label the Bricks (Defusion)
Use the ACT tool of defusion to step back from the thoughts keeping you stuck. Instead of believing the thought "I am a failure because I can't do this," try saying, "I am noticing the 'shame' brick right now." Putting a name to the emotion helps take away its power.
3. Change Your State
Because the wall is built of heavy emotions, you often need to shift your physical energy to get over it. Put on a favorite song, do some light stretches, or use "body doubling" (working alongside someone else) to help soothe your nervous system before you try to start.
Let's Work Through the Overwhelm Together
If you feel like your life is currently surrounded by Walls of Awful, please know you don't have to climb them alone.
As a Registered Clinical Counsellor based in Kelowna, I specialize in neurodivergent-affirming therapy. Together, we can work on practical, shame-free strategies to help you navigate your ADHD, quiet the inner critic, and build a life that feels manageable and fulfilling.
Reach out today, and let's take that first small step together.
